Coffee Club Newsletter
Volume 17 No. 2 - February 14, 2007

Good afternoon friends. You already know that Mr. Ramirez, Jr., our Assistant Chief Inspector is about to leave. If he shows up, tomorrow will mark his last day here. My understanding is that he still cares and will therefore be likely to come to his bon voyage reception.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TR: Good morning. Are you Chief Inspector Ramirez?
MR: Well, not quite. I’m the Honorary Chief, but only for this week.
TR: Oh.
MR: Come on in – my wife prepared some tamales for you - we also have a good brew of strong, black coffee to go with them.
TR: Thank you – that’s very, very nice. Do you have any donuts?
MR: Yes, but those are for after the interview.
TR: Ok. Can I eat two or three tamales before we get started?
MR: Well, I suppose, if you’re very hungry. It’s kind of early in the day to be hungry, no?
TR: I’m always hungry.
MR: Let’s sit at the table and you can eat in between the questions.
TR: Yes, I can do that.
MR: By the way, how come you’re so early? I was expecting you at eight thirty and it’s not quite seven forty five.
TR: I’m sorry; it’s just that the bus schedule is different for the West side.
MR: Oh, I didn’t know – I haven’t ridden a bus in over sixty years.
TR: Well, nothing has changed – the buses are bigger and brighter but the problems are still the same. They break down, they’re late, they’re noisy, and they’re slow….
MR: We try not to use the word “problem” in this household – we prefer either “challenge” or “opportunity.” It’s more positive.
TR: Not to the person who has to ride the bus.
MR: Never mind.
TR: How did you decide to retire?
MR: My wife told me to.
TR: Oh. Is she like, your best friend?
MR: Whenever I’m around her, yes. It’s something I mostly don’t think about. We have always gotten along just fine.
TR: These tamales are great.
MR: Of course they are – she’s a great cook, you know. That’s how I’ve stayed healthy all these years. I can still do fifty push ups, non-stop, even at night.
TR: I can’t even climb a flight of stairs without getting tired.
MR: Yes, I’ve heard. You should try eating more oatmeal.
TR: What will that do?
MR: I don’t really know but I have it three times a day. I haven’t been to the doctor in over forty years.
TR: That’s impressive. You must also lead a busy life – you stay active?
MR: Yes I do. I fly model airplanes on weekends. These were the precursors of military drones, in case you didn’t know.
TR: I don’t know anything about the military. Were you in the Navy?
MR: No, I was a Colonel in the Army in Vietnam.
TR: These tamales are good.
MR: I still think about it sometimes – mostly at night.
TR: They are not too spicy or too bland – they are perfect.
MR: I remember a couple of good skirmishes. It was kind of tough.
TR: I hope you can give me some to go.
MR: I never came down with PTSD, though.
TR: You should give me the recipe.
MR: What?
TR: …for the tamales.
MR: What about the tamales….?
TR: I would like the recipe.
MR: I’ll ask my wife about that.
TR: You were saying you like to fly airplanes?
MR: Yes, small gasoline engine model airplanes. I belong to a club.
TR: What for?
MR: To fly the planes – we get together on weekends and fly the planes wherever we can find open space. It’s a lot of fun and sometimes we recreate famous air battles from Nam.
TR: Really?
MR: Yes. I have lost so many planes that way because we crash them intentionally to be as realistic as possible. Every time I come back home without my plane my wife knows we were recreating battles. She doesn’t mind it too much even though the things cost about $1,200.00 apiece.
TR: I just finished the last one.
MR: You want another one?
TR: That would be nice… and another cup of coffee.
MR: Ok. Let me get the whole tray and that way you can just help yourself.
TR: Your wife won’t mind?
MR: No, she’s out shopping for our trip to Las Vegas. We’re leaving on Sunday.
TR: You might run into Eleanor.
MR: I hope not. I promised her I would go measure her kitchen for the remodeling and I’ve been forgetting. She’s been calling every day.
TR: How many projects do you think you did while you were at Rehab?
MR: I know exactly how many I did – I kept count.
TR: And…?
MR: Five hundred fifty nine.
TR: Is that projects or units?
MR: That’s projects, units, inspections, cancellations, dead ends - you name it.
TR: That’s more than one a week for ten years straight. That’s very impressive.
MR: Yes, it should be.
TR: According to statistics that Ray gave me, the entire Design Section processed six hundred fourteen items in that time span. That means you did over 90% of the work for the section?
MR: I guess so.
TR: And the rest of the Techs?
MR: I guess they just ate burritos and drove around town most of the time.
TR: They won’t like what you just said.
MR: I guess not, but I don’t care. I cared while I was there, but not anymore.
TR: Can I quote you then?
MR: You always write what you want anyway, don’t you?
TR: What about favorites?
MR: What about them?
TR: Did you have a favorite buddy in CD?
MR: Well, I wouldn’t call her a buddy but Rhoda was my favorite.
TR: Do you know why?
MR: Yes – she’s a workaholic like me. She stays until eight or nine every day, she’s there early, and to top it off, she’s always in a good mood. She just might take my place in the Technical Section. She loves to be out in the field.
TR: What’s your greatest regret?
MR: The gargoyles.
TR: Gargoyles? Is that a kind of sweet bread?
MR: No, no, no. They are small stone monsters that can be used as decorations on buildings. They are fairly common on old buildings in Europe and in this country, too. Ray said I would not be allowed to include them in a building we were doing and I was sort of disappointed.
TR: And your best memory?
MR: When we finished the reconstruction on Rivera for that elderly couple. That project was nearly impossible – there were liens on the house, there were back taxes, there was a foreclosure which had to be stopped, there was no construction contingency money – we were playing with fire. The man with the green tie and I figured out how to get it done. When we finally gave the owners the keys, they were crying so much they couldn’t talk. I was crying a little bit, too, I remember. That’s as close to the edge as we ever got - there were several others like that but I wasn’t involved in those.
TR: Who is the man with the green tie?
MR: You don’t need to know.
TR: Sorry.
MR: I remember a big battle in the hills when we were almost wiped out. I was screaming orders but no one could hear me over the tremendous noise.
TR: What?
MR: The helicopters were flying the wounded out by the dozen. It was horrendous. Planes were dropping bombs right on top of us. I dream about it sometimes. I wake up perspiring like a dolphin.
TR: Are you ok?
MR: Sure – you can start on the donuts if you want.
TR: Thanks. I’ll take the ones without glaze – the glazed have too much sugar.
MR: A little sugar won’t kill you.
TR: Yes, I know, but I usually eat four or five donuts at a time.
MR: I see what you mean. Go easy on the carbs.
TR: Speaking of carbs, someone told me you had picked Subway for your going-away luncheon? Isn’t that kind of unusual?
MR: It’s unusual and it’s wrong. My wife gave me four choices and that wasn’t one of them.
TR: Sorry.
MR: I almost got a purple heart but they wouldn’t accept my small wound as proof I qualified for one. Someone at the camp told them I had cut myself peeling an onion.
TR: Was that true?
MR: I honestly don’t remember.
TR: But you remember a lot of other stuff.
MR: Yes, the big stuff, as you call it. I was one of the few higher ranking officers who actually went out in the field with the men. I knew up close what the whole thing was about. I think about it every day but it really doesn’t bother me much because the memories fade with each passing day. I don’t even remember the year I came back. Now, I mostly remember the emotions.
TR: Do you think they get in the way of your vacations?
MR: No. I only sometimes yell at the tour guides because I think they may be enemy spies. And I always carry a slingshot.
TR: You remind me of Don Ejote.
MR: You mean Quixote. Ejote is the green bean.
TR: Sorry.
MR: I understand.
TR: So, for one final question…
MR: What’s my advice to the Department?
TR: Yes.
MR: Tell them I always loved the Department – to trust each other – remember, the entire U.S. economy is built on trust - not to be adversarial - to believe in the future – to keep their mistakes honest – to stay neat and clean. You know, in all the years I was there, there were plenty of boo boos, but there was never even one dime missing. We accomplished quite a lot. We sometimes made mistakes – we had findings - because we didn’t know any better, but there was never a hint of impropriety. We never did the wrong thing knowingly or on purpose. That’s something to be proud of, no?
TR: That’s exactly word for word what Eleanor said – how strange!!!!!
MR: I remember being out on patrol one night – it was raining cats and dogs and frogs – it was the monsoon season – snakes were crawling around my feet – we were maintaining complete silence – our walkie-talkies were off – our bayonets were drawn – in the far distance, I could hear the sound of a chopper taking off….
TR: Can I have one more donut?