Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 21 - April 2, 2008

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Alex Rodriguez?
AR: Si, si. Come in. Joe told me you were coming.
TR: Joe?
AR: Yeah - Girardi, the team Manager.
TR: Of course. I forgot. He must be very happy you won the first game?
AR: Oh yeah. I was happy too – I untied the game you know.
TR: I heard about it. I also heard you are now making lots of money playing for the Yankees.
AR: Yeah, it’s all over the news. I always expected that sooner or later I’d be playing major league ball with the Yankees, but I never dreamed I’d be making so much money doing it.
TR: You didn’t ask for it?
AR: It was Mr. Steinbrenner’s idea. My agent told him I didn’t need that much money but, you know, he insisted. Then I just said yes. I didn’t want to upset him by turning down his offer.
TR: So now you’re probably making about $22,000.00 per hour?
AR: Oh, so you tried to figure it out? It’s 23,344.59 per hour. Or about $700,000.00 per home run, plus bonuses. That’s the way George wants it.
TR: And, do you expect you’ll be hitting lots of home runs in the future?
AR: Look at my arms. Do they look weak to you?
TR: No.
AR: I believe I was born to play baseball. I’m sure of it. My physical stamina, my height, my body mass - all those things that an athlete needs….
TR: Babe Ruth was a short little guy.
AR: Yeah, but he was fat. I’ve seen the pictures. There was all that weight behind every swing. The most important thing was that he loved the game – just like I love the game. He swung with all his heart.
TR: Do you miss playing short stop?
AR: No, no – not at all. Third base is just a couple of hops away from short stop. It’s not like catcher – that poor guy just looks at the rest of us play I think. I wouldn’t play catcher, but third base is nice. And, I’m even closer to the fans. I’m not complaining.
TR: If you stopped playing now you would still be famous with all the records you have set. Is setting new records a motivation for you?
AR: Of course. I’m in this to win – for me and for the Yankees. The more records I set, the better the attendance and the more royalties and fees we earn as a team.
TR: Why do you think home run records and other hitting records are being broken so frequently nowadays?
AR: The pitching is really lousy.
TR: And the coaching?
AR: The coaching is better than ever. Part of the training for hitters now includes intense courses in psychology. We are taught to read the pitchers, to intimidate them so that they will be afraid to throw the ball.
TR: Really?
AR: Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this.
TR: I won’t print it.
AR: Good.
TR: And how about growth hormones?
AR: Everyone wants to know about that.
TR: Yes, and…?
AR: Well, look at me. Do I look like I need steroids?
TR: No, but, on the other hand….
AR: God gave me this magnificent physique; I didn’t get it from steroids. I don’t need to add anything to it. All I need to do is keep it in good running order. I’d be just as good an athlete if I were eight inches taller, though my teammates would be different.
TR: Why would your teammates be different?
AR: I’d be playing basketball.
TR: Oh.
AR: I considered it for a while and I also considered cross country skiing.
TR: Skiing?
AR: Yes. I wanted to impress a Swedish girl I was going out with in High School. It was just a crush.
TR: You went to school in Miami.
AR: Yes. I could have been a volleyball player, a swimmer, a tennis player, a boxer, a golfer… My mom said baseball, so baseball it was.
TR: What advice would you give a young player?
AR: Actually, this is for any young athlete. I would say put everything you have into what you love doing. Don’t expect overnight success. Don’t be discouraged by lost games. Stay away from injuries. Don’t be a big mouth, even if you come live in New York. And, listen to your mother.
TR: You have been able to overcome a few injuries.
AR: Like I said, I am not discouraged by temporary setbacks.
TR: What about major defeats?
AR: Like the New England Patriots, you mean?
TR: Yes.
AR: Well, that’s entirely different. For something like that, I know I would probably need some serious counseling. I would go into seclusion. I would not be able to smile for a month. I would not be able to….
TR: I know what you mean.
AR: Yes. And yet, life goes on. There is always a brighter tomorrow. Be optimistic. Beat the odds. The fans will still buy tickets.
TR: Can I have your autograph on my baseball?
AR: It’s made out of plastic.
TR: It’s the only one I could afford.